Hanley toilet block is cash well spent – not money down the drain

STOKE-ON-TRENT City Council is considering getting rid of its toilets. Not for staff – passers-by needn’t fear walking below open windows at the Civic Offices – but the public facility in Hanley.

This iconic building, based loosely on the Temple of Zeus at Cyrene, has been coming to the rescue of cross-legged shoppers for decades. Who amongst us has never emitted a satisfying ‘Ahhh!’ while bathing in its UV violet light to stop drug users shooting up in the corner?

The authority’s plan is to save £20,000 by encouraging businesses to allow the brim-bladdered to relieve themselves on their premises instead.

Which exact business will be asked to partake in the scheme is unclear, although few would wish to have Betty from Halmer End burst in while discussing delicate divorce proceedings with a city centre solicitor.

I’ll be frank in admitting my bladder ain’t what it used to be. If it was an outside tap I’d have got a plumber in.

Few visits to Hanley are carried out without a visit to the Stafford Street lavatory block. Indeed, if I’ve had one too many cuppas before setting out, I impose a rule on myself not to venture outside a zone of 100 metres.

As city centre toilets go they aren’t bad. Yes, you wouldn’t stage a landmark birthday in them, but as a rule they’re both functional and clean.

Admittedly, I have, like many, on occasion, nipped in and used the facilities in a pub instead. But I’m never hugely comfortable with this scenario. It’s not uncommon to feel the wrath of the proprietor, and understandably so if you happen to be in charge of a busload of octogenarians heading for the bingo.

I have even integrated myself into pub life simply to justify using their toilet. I am now a member of five different darts teams and am halfway through the 12-step plan to recovery.

Even with the offer of a subsidy, some businesses have given the plan a cool reception. Cafés, for example, work hard to create a certain ambience. And you can see how that might easily be disturbed if there’s no public facilities available during a march by the English Defence League.

Really, many would say a public toilet in a city centre is a basic requirement. And £20,000 – well, it’s a drop in the ocean, if you’ll pardon the phrase.

I mean, it’s not like those luxury facilities at the old bus station are available anymore. I had a great affection for those toilets. In fact, I was good friends with some of the bouncers.

If we’re not careful we’re going to end up like France. And while Hanley would like to be compared with Paris, it’d not be for grown men hosing down the gutters. They don’t even seem to have those ones you stand in and peek over the top anymore. Which is a shame because I think they were a good idea, and one which I’d encourage the city council to introduce here. If nothing else it’d give the men something to do while their partners were choosing a skirt in Marks & Spencer.

I can’t honestly see the closure going through. I mean, it only gives rise to another problem – what to do with the building? A town can only take so many Wetherspoons. And I don’t envisage many other businesses queuing up to take it over. Certainly I can’t see it doing well as a bridal salon.

I see that toilet block as cash well spent, not money down the drain. Let’s face it, we’ve all had occasions, lumbered with shopping, feet in agony, stiletto snapped in an escalator, when it’s been the most satisfying thing about a trip up town.