Wed tv rev jan 9

All You Can Eat – ITV1, 9pm

 "COMPETITIVE eating,” says George Shea, chairman of the pursuit’s International Federation, “talks about the triumph of the human spirit. For me, it’s beautiful. It’s like watching physical poetry. It’s like watching a dance.” It’s one way to describe a man consuming 75 pickled onions in a minute I suppose.

Slightly more realistic was Whitstable oyster-eating champion Nev. “The combination of beer, cider and oysters does tend to give you slightly dodgy guts the next day,” he said. A sentence you rarely hear on Masterchef.

“But it’s all right,” he added. “It’s all part of the fun of coming to Whitstable.” Remind me to chalk it of my list of must-visit destinations.

Competitive eating is on the rise in Britain. At last, an explanation for full trolleys in Iceland.

Among others, there’s the World Stinging Nettle Championship in Dorset, and the Festival Of Fiery Foods in Brighton, where people eat chili peppers as strong as pepper spray - and then spend the following fortnight on the toilet.

“I think it’s always a little bit frightening,” said Reuben, 2011 chilli-eating winner. “To know you’re going to go through that kind of pain is not really something to look forward to.” It reminded me of when I had to review An Audience With Cheryl Cole.
Peter Dowdswell has been dubbed Britain’s ‘Grandfather of Gluttony’. Aged 72, and one of the few senior citizens to routinely drink three yards of ale while collecting his pension, he was seeking to beat his own record of ten boiled eggs in a minute.

“When you’re doing the eating,” he revealed, “you make your throat like a conveyer belt. It’s just throw one down, and then the next one pushes it down. You just keep going at it.” You may wish to be moved if seated near him in a restaurant.

“I actually hold 365 world records,” he added. “One for every day of the year.” His calendar’s the greatest appetite suppressant known to mankind.

But Dowdswell doesn’t take his challenges lightly. “You’ve always got one thought in your head,” he said. "Is this going to be the time I’m going to choke?” And will the Heimlich Manoeuvre work on someone who’s had 15 hot-dogs?
Eating contest novice Lewis was off to Tampa to take part in a chicken wing eating championship. “I’m probably not ticking all the right boxes for my five a day,” he said. “They consist of chicken, beef, pork, turkey, maybe lamb.” He’s right. He could do with some bacon in there to balance it up.

Finally, Sam was the 2011 stinging nettle champion. “The following day you spend an awful lot of time in the bathroom,” he said. Dock leaves essential.