EastEnders – BBC1

SHARON’S been neglecting little Dennis in EastEnders, a fact brought home when she realised she was missing off all the family drawings he’d brought home from school. Although it could just have been they didn’t have a crayon that colour.

“I see Dennis is drawing weird pictures,” mocked Bianca, a woman who is to compassion what Swarfega is to grease. “My Tiffany went through that.” I remember that storyline - when Tiffany’s teachers asked her to draw a picture of family life, they were somewhat bemused to find she’d sketched Vesuvius.

“My son is nothing like your kids,” snapped Sharon. True. Bianca’s offspring are overseen by the UN. Little Dennis, on the other hand, looks like a bemused Little Lord Fauntleroy. My suspicion is there was a mix-up at the hospital. Somewhere a member of the minor aristocracy is wondering why their son wants to run a car lot and keeps asking for jellied eels.

“He's just feeling a bit jealous of you and Lexi,”soothed Jack. “He just feels a little bit left out.” Poor lad - it’s months since she involved him in a gangland turf war.

Sharon made amends in the pub. In a classic piece of mothering, she asked Dennis to draw a picture of her while she swilled a G&T.“Is that supposed to be me?” she enquired of the result. And, to be honest, I thought it was a Yeti too.

Elsewhere, Ian was trying to woo Minute Mart manager Denise, inviting her round for a meal. “I’ve got a lovely bit of haddock,” he charmed. “It’s on the turn so I could do with getting it ate tonight – you’d be doing me a favour.” The only question is what they’ll be sharing next – a bed or a toilet.

“That has to be the worst invitation I've ever heard in my life,” said Denise, forgetting that time Phil asked her to share his porridge at the Scrubs.

Elsewhere, Cora was doing all she could to stop daughter Tanya inviting serial philanderer Max back into her life. “You can chuck all his stuff out on the street,” she told him, “cufflinks, dodgy CDs, odd socks, but unless you get him out of your head you’re never going to be free.” No, but getting rid of his socks has got to be a start. To stop bluebottles coming in if nothing else.

Cora’s certainly not to be messed with. She’s like Big Mo with bells on. “Take one more step and it'll be your last,” she told Max as he advanced on Tanya’s door.

Why she wasn’t Greco-Roman wrestling at London 2012 I’m unsure.