Timeshift: The Joy Of (Train) Sets – BBC4

“IT’S essentially a pointless pursuit,” admitted a model railway enthusiast, with an honesty the crochet community could learn a lot from. “It’s not going to put a meal on someone’s table or save someone’s life, but it might save someone’s sanity.” Essentially he was advocating that people with mental health issues be shored up in lofts with 15 miniature signal boxes and a representation of Bognor Regis Central circa 1930. It’s one of the lesser known changes the Coalition want to make to the National Health Service.

As Timeshift noted, “for more than a century many of us have been captured by this land of tiny detailed wagons and scaled down stations.” I myself had a penchant for model railways. Not so much the engines. More tying my sister’s dolls to the track.

The suggestion seemed to be that train sets were something dads bought themselves under the pretence of being a gift for their son. I did the same last Christmas when I gave my eldest a briar pipe and three tobacco pouches.

For many men, it’s a hobby that’s remained throughout their life. Pete Waterman was one such, although he admitted “you may go off it a bit when you find your wife”. Research shows few women enjoy gluing fake lichen on a platform on their wedding night.

Many were drawn to model steam trains by the shockingly exciting sight of the real thing. “It had steam issuing out from underneath,” recalled one chap. “You'd put your hand on it – it’d be quivering like a horse.” Whether he was talking about a steam train or Clare Balding was unclear.

The leader in the market was Frank Hornby. His catchphrase was “British toys for British boys”, a bit sexist but his range of cast iron ponies never caught on.

“He was very jolly and jovial,” noted a historian. “At Christmas parties everyone would have to rush upstairs to see his latest invention.” When they’d seen the replica cattle truck they shuffled back down again.

But tastes change and Hornby’s success wasn’t to last. “Children became more sophisticated,” we heard. “Model railways became the preserve of adults.” Even now they often give you Hornby vouchers when you buy a duffel coat.

Then, just as it seemed children would never touch a train set again, in 1985 a saviour arrived – Thomas. Not Cruise, that irritating kids’ series narrated by Ringo Starr in what was, I’m sure, in no way a comedown from The Beatles.

“Thomas has brought very small children into it with his little face and his loveable looks,” claimed an enthusiast.

Forget that. Just tell me one thing. What’s his scrap value?