Fighter Wives: The World Of MMA – Five

“THERE are men in Britain,” revealed Channel 5’s documentary, “who make their living by fighting in a cage.” Is this the depths to which those laid off by the civil service have fallen?

MMA is a no-holds barred contact sport which combines boxing, wrestling and martial arts. It’s practised predominantly by women in city centres after chucking out time on a Saturday.

It’s taken the sporting public by storm, upwards of 50 people routinely packing out a back room in Watford.

“It’s brutal, bloody, and,” claimed the programme, “very big business indeed.” In many ways it’s similar to pensioners’ night at the bingo.

For partners it’s not easy seeing a loved-one beaten and mauled in the ring. It’s one of the reasons I gave up lion taming. But for Maria it had at least stopped her beloved Colin getting up to no good elsewhere. Their marriage had seen him “transform from local thug to professional fighter”. The change had been immediate – he went 10 rounds with his mother-in-law at the reception.

“When I first met him,” said Maria, “he did used to fight with people, not for money or in a ring.” It was more something to do on the way home from Sainsburys.

“I’d see him,” she continued, “and there’d be blood where a lad had tried to bite his nose. I said ‘if you’re with me you won’t be able to do that anymore’.” No, if you’re going to be a cage fighter, you’re going to have to give up primary school teaching.

Maria didn’t like fight time. “I’m not going to freak him out,” she said, “but he knows I’m on the verge of vomiting.” Keep your coat on if you’re in the seat in front of her.

She didn’t let their two children attend, but instead hoped to capture it on film. “It’ll be nice to pass down the DVDs to their children,”she said, “so they can see what their granddad did.” They’re just awaiting the age ruling from the British Board of Film Classification.

Elsewhere, Poppy had found a career as a ring girl, one of those women who parade round in their skimpies, much admired by Germaine Greer. “For me it was a bit scary,” she admitted of her debut. “You’re going to be there in a cage half naked and everyone’s looking at you.” It reminded me of a nightmare I once had about Debbie McGee.

Pal Lexi was a little more confident. “Being out in front of all these people half naked,” she said, “there’s nothing better.” I’ll hand it to her - she’d have made a great Olympic Games Maker.